The Story of a Coon
This is a true story, told by a very good friend of mine, in her own words, but well worth sharing – she has many a tale to tell, and the gift of storytelling.
“I call this on The Felionious Assualt of Raccoon. My dad had an interesting story. It seems there was a time where he forgot to roll up the windows on his Ford van one night. A really big (he says 35 lbs) raccoon somehow found its way into the van and remained undetected until my dad’s morning commute. At the time our family lived on Steven’s Island, and dad worked in Dundalk, MD. Dad was driving along, minding his own business, when out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of grey. When he turned his head to look, he found a huge raccoon along for the ride in the passenger seat, looking out of the window while travelling on the Bay Bridge. The coon started chittering in coon language at my dad. Dad was halfway across a two lane bridge when he saw the hitchhiker. In shock, he slammed on the brakes briefly, then realized he was on a two lane bridge high above the Chesapeake Bay in a lot of traffic so he sped up again. He got to the end of the bridge before he literally stopped on the side of the highway right before the toll booths. There is a state park entrance there. A policeman, who was black, btw, came with lights flashing to see what was going on as my dad opened his door and jumped out of his van. Unfortunately – or fortunately, you decide – he forgot the coon would be trapped inside the van. The officer asked him what the problem was, and if he had been drinking. My dad replied that there was coon in his van , which was the reason he drove erratically to the side of the road. The office was a bit skeptical alright, and my dad said so help him God there was a COON in his van. The officer really didn’t believe him; I think he thought my dad was either crazy or something, so the officer went to the passenger side of the van to open the door.
Let’s sidetrack here a moment. Raccoons are very curious creatures but they also love attacking things; the little thieves will steal any shiny thing they can find, and once grabbed, will not let go for the life of them. The easiest way to live trap a raccoon is to drill a hole a bit bigger than their little paw and place bent nails (bent inward) around the hole. Drop shiny stuff at the bottom of the hole, and the raccoon will reach in and grab the shiny things, making his fist very large. If he would let go, he could escape, but otherwise he is caught Red-pawed so to speak. But I digress. Back to the story….
The police officer opened the passenger door and a huge raccoon jumped out, landing on his chest and knocking the officer down to the ground. The officer, of course, had a shiny badge; the coon grabbed it and ripped off his shirt. Badge in hand, the coon scampered towards the state park entrance towards the women’s changing shed (or cabaña). The last anyone saw of the coon, he was entering the changing shed. The officer was now a believer, and called in his report. He had been “Feloniously assaulted by a coon, and added a charge of “grand” larceny” for the shiny golden badge. Needless to say, his buddies did not believe the story until the camera’s tape on the toll booth showed a gray ball of something streaking out the van door, knocking the poor guy on the ground and making a grab for the goods right before a hasty getaway. The officer took a pretty good amount of ribbing but he and my dad were friends from then on. He would go have a few brews with dad once in a while, even an occasional fishing and crabbing trip. Some good did in fact come from this unusual story.
Epilogue: the coon did in fact get away completely. Even the FBI and CIA would not be able to find him, I suspect, and if the little critter is still alive I just know he has that shield from the police officer somewhere in his hideout. – Josephine Buchanan”
I hope you enjoyed it, even that it made you laugh. Stay blessed, and in love with Jesus.
Kari, the contented redhead
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